it is odd. i always have found it odd. i used to feel so numb and empty all the time, then it suddenly stopped.
it was exactly the way i was told it would never be. i went to sleep one night, uncaring whether i woke up or died with my eyes closed, and i woke in the morning feeling fine. and so it stayed; i feel fine. nothing more, nothing less.
i'm not sure i'd go as far as to say that i miss the feeling of darkness and nothingness, but it was all so familiar that i'm no longer sure what to do with myself. the days feel longer, drawn out, yet i can't fill them. i sleep and wake at the same time each morning and night, but it feels foreign. i guess that what hasn't changed is that i'm always so tired.
i went from crying, to yelling, to nothing, to yawning. it's the same every day, i wake up tired and i fall asleep tired. it's like a rhythm, like pulsing waves but slower and less enthusiastic.
i know i'll never be fixed, but i can live with that. i can exist in a happy medium, floating somewhere between depression and happiness. it's living, at least.
but maybe i'll always be tired. maybe it's the new numb; the new nothing. i thought i'd feel so sad forever, i think i'll feel tired more.
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.



April 2017

9101112 13 1415

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 07:51 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios